That’s the phrase my mother would repeat to me when I sat in between her legs while she yanked a comb through my thick hair. Whether I was tender headed, or she was heavy handed was irrelevant, either way, “Beauty is pain.” Rule number 2, Don’t touch your hair. Black hair is not something that is wrangled into a new style every day (for most people). Most mothers do their child’s hair once a week. No one has the time to do a child’s hair, other than a quick touch up throughout the week, so therefore, “If I see your hands in your hair, I’m going to pop you” or “You better come home with all your barrettes”. These things were repeated to me throughout my childhood. Now that you understand the key rules, you can see how I would have no idea how to do my hair.
age. Eventually it all had to be cut off my junior year. I rocked a mohawk-like style that whole year. Senior year was mostly braids and a sew-in at one point. The frontal leave-out weave was my first taste of natural hair. I got my first glimpse of curly hair that I hadn’t seen before. I was shocked that my hair was capable of curling. I loved it. And I’m glad I did because I needed that little spark of love I had then to jumpstart my confidence to start my natural hair journey.
I received my first perm when I was around 10. If I remember correctly, a perm was what I wanted, and my mother was tired of how thick my hair was. Still is. I’ll admit the perm did make my hair much more manageable. The problem came when it was time for me to spend the summer with my dad. He lived two states away in Texas while my mother lived in California. My father was not someone who knew anything about hair, which is why he has been bald my entire life, by choice. My step-mom was a white woman who knew about hair, but not about black hair. I know my younger sister’s hair was a struggle for her at times too, and her hair was much easier to manage than mine. Long story short, the summer was filled with daily washes after swimming and my first introduction into flat irons, all of it done by courtesy of me. The girl who had never even been allowed to touch her own hair. My stepmother didn’t have a clue about where to start with my hair and promptly decided that I was old enough to know how to do my own hair. I can only imagine what by passers thought of my hair that summer. When I returned home my dad received a phone call from my mom who was angered at the amount of hair I lost that summer. That was just the start of my hair damage story.
I got a scholarship to play basketball at a tiny juco called Clarendon College. This is located in the North Texas panhandle area. It was such a small town that if you blinked you missed it. Needless to say this town had about 1% black population, and that’s being generous. I went to college with box braids but I could only wear those for so long before they needed to come out. In Clarendon they didn’t have any beauty shops for black women and the nearest big town was Amarillo. I unfortunately didn’t have a car and I also didn’t know any black shops in Amarillo that I could possibly go to for my kind of hair. When it was time to take down my hair, natural hair was my only choice. I didn’t know anyone who could do hair and with basketball didn’t have the time. I was also so used to word of the mouth type networking for hair stylists and with a limited black population, word of mouth was not an option. I had already cut off most of my hair in high school because of heat damage and didn’t want to go back down that path.
My decision to go natural was more of a necessity than anything else. I didn’t see other women and want to wear my hair like them. I simply just didn’t know what else to do. A lot of the YouTube videos I’ve watched include women talking about why they made the decision to go natural. I heard a lot about the big chop, but I had no clue what it was until about 2 years into my hair journey. I didn’t even know hair care videos until I switched colleges and attended Midwestern State University that carried a large black student body population. Going natural was a choice between flat irons and more hair damage and a robust afro with limited resources. I chose to go natural, but I don’t feel like it was much of a choice. Healthy or damage? You pick.